Response to “Dear Straight People.”

You can find this lovely bit of self-indulgence here.  I’ll post the entire thing below, including their little memes!  My responses will be in big bold blue.




dear straight people #1

Sometimes I feel like a magnet of awkwardness.  Maybe you shouldn’t address swaths of the population by their sexuality.  That is kinda awkward. Too often I am asked questions by straight people that make no sense. Straight people could always ostracize you or chuck you off a building.  Be glad that they want to know something about you and get your opinion.  These questions are questions that make my head hurt. Make me stomach turn. Questions that magnify the queer experience in an uncomfortable way. INCORRECT.  Questions are incapable of making you feel anything.  That is your own psychological response to the questions.  For example “An bhfuil Gaeilge agat?” Is a question.  But it makes you feel nothing because you are not psychologically predisposed to have a reaction to it.


1. Are you gay or straight? 

If I tell you I am queer that does not mean that I am gay or straight. Queer/bi/pan/ace all of these sexual orientations are not within the gay/straight binary. The reason I identify as queer is because I am attracted to people who are and are not of the binary genders. By asking me if I am gay or straight you are only focusing on the G in LGBT when their is so much more to the LGBT community.  To be honest, this is the first time anyone has explained this to me, and I would have asked the same question.  So by asking the question, a straight person (and me) probably learned something.  Because this whole movement in the Oppression Olympics is new to a lot of us, do you blame us?  I grew up in a time where people were just people.  No one had race or gender or sexuality, and it was rude to discuss any of those things.  I was brought up to judge people on other scales.

2. How do you know if your LGBT if you never had sex? 

When people ask me this question I have to take several deep breaths.  No you don’t.  You have to take several deep breaths as a response to an increase in blood C02 levels, or an increase in oxygen need.  For one this question has several implications. One of these implications is that being LGBT is not natural.  Well, we are a sexual species with two distinct sexes.  Many plants are dichogamous.  Many species can actively change from one gender to the other for the purposes of fulfilling those specific reproductive roles.  But in order to reproduce, currently, we need a male and female gamete to combine their chromosomal information.  This is a normal process. When it is. Being gay is just like being straight.  Except you are incapable (unwilling) to share pass on your genetic lineage.  The same way that you know you are straight is the same way I know I am gay.  Probably so.  This question also implies that all LGBT people have to be hyper aware of their sexuality.  Like you?  Like this whole post?  I’m twice your age and still haven’t sorted any of that out.  This is annoying to many LGBT people because why should we have to prove our sexuality to you.  BECAUSE YOU KEEP CHANGING!  There are 31 legally recognized genders in NY.  Likewise, we could possibly serve jail time for mis-gendering people in california.  Hell, even the word “mis-gendering” is new.  So it is important that we have our facts straight.  Of course, no one goes to jail for misgendering or questioning the sexuality of a cis person. We don’t need you to prove your straightness so don’t ask us to prove anything.  Fine.  Then don’t pass laws penalizing people if they get shit wrong.

3. If you had a choice what would you be? 

What makes you think I am not happy with the sexuality that I am? What makes you think that they think that?  It is a sensible question.  Personally, I’d prefer to be pansexual, because you have the most options.  See?  Easy.  Don’t you think that I have come to full terms with my sexuality.  I mean, again.  I’m twice your age and I haven’t.  Nor do I care to invest any time to figure it out.  So, no.  There is no expectation that a kid has.   If I had a choice I would be exactly what I am.  Must be nice.  Being queer has opened my eyes to a whole seperate community.  (coughs “cult”) Even when I did think I was straight I was always supportive of the LGBT community. I will support the freedoms of anyone to love anyone, as long as it is consensual and of legal age.  But I am not big on communities that define themselves by sex stuff.  Sexuality, kinks, gender expression…  Not big on it.  I feel like there is bigger stuff to worry about, like kids dying from hunger.  

4. Why do you flaunt your sexuality? 

What’s that supposed to even mean?  Things like this post.  Your marches.  Rainbows everywhere.  Being proud of your sexiness.  Defining yourself by it.  By contrast, I’m proud of my work history, my dedication to duty, and my wife.  Like straight people kissing each other in public isn’t flaunting their sexuality.  My wife and I hold hands in public.  We also will give a quick kiss.  That is it.  Like holding hands isn’t? Sometimes I feel as though straight people don’t understand what they’re asking. Everytime a gay person does something as little as hold hands, it is seen as flaunting or pressuring people to be gay. It isn’t always, but this is the first good point you have brought up.  I agree.  There needs to be more acceptance of that type of thing in public, to an extent.  But I don’t appreciate make-out sessions, no matter who it is.  Or tongue kissing, groping, or anything disreputable.  But no one ever talks about how it is perceived as normal to be gay. No one talks about how straight people are the ones that force their kids to adhere to strict binaries and get upset when they don’t.   Did you ever think about the traditional gender roles?  That maybe there is history that women can be proud of, as women?  That men can be proud of?  Some of my favorite ladies are Boudicca, Queen Elizabeth 1st, and O’Malley.  They were quintessentially feminine, and very awesome.  I want my daughter to grow up realizing that is part of her cultural history.  It isn’t about “YOU CAN ONLY PLAY WITH BARBIE.”  It is about “Maybe this Barbie can conquer Ken’s castle?  Then we can attack with a lego catapult, and end it all with an x-wing space battle!”  It is about sharing a good time with the kid.

That’s all for today. I do want to leave everyone with this parting message.

Maybe try not being offended so much.  It will make life a lot happier.

I’ve had people steal from me, threaten me, and punch me in the face.  I look back at those instances and just shrug it off.  Not a big deal, people make bad decisions.  I’m not offended.  If I can handle that stuff, you can handle a few “offensive” questions.


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